It’s not often that I worry about an item of clothing being too big. But alas, this is the turmoil I currently find myself in. I have stepped in to the hazardous territory of denim shorts, somewhere I have never been before as the whole notion is a trauma for me (my legs are not for showing and you can’t disguise your shape with shorts in the way that you can with a skirt – slightly dramatic I know, but innately true). Anyhow, I’ve bitten the short bullet and got myself a pair of vintage levi’s. I completely love the idea of them and they go perfectly with everything in my wardrobe so I’m making an attempt to just get over myself and enjoy – yet still my phobia is lurking, not least because I can’t stop worrying that they’re too bloody big.

I think I was just so excited that they did up with such ease when I tried them on (there’s several bigger sizes out there so if these fit me with such ease that means bigger people than me will wear them which theoretically means I must look quite small and ultimately that these must look fine? The pathetic workings of my embroiled mind.) So, I snapped them up and hurried home and did a fashion show. Everyone tells me they look too big. I’m like pardon? So now it’s on the brain. If I pull them up I’m exposing too much leg and shape, if I pull them down they are most unflattering in an obviously-too-big-mens-jeans kind of way. I don’t want to return them because they are super-comfy (I can wear them just round the house, right?) and the perfect faded colour. So, here’s what I’ve done. A hot-wash and a tumble-dry. They’ve evidently shrunk a good two sizes, ta-da! This plays havoc with the leg-area and the exposing-of-the-shape dilemma; however, they look much better and they start to loosen up again as soon as you move in them (I reckon the hot-wash/tumble-dry effect has a life-span of about 30 minutes). They’re going to be the most-washed shorts ever – which, incidentally poses a Glastonbury-shaped problem = I’ll have to buy another pair in an even more exciting colour and an even smaller size and then I’ll have two pairs. Who says I’m not conquering my phobias?

Now, excuse me while I go and help myself to an easy-peeling satsuma (one has to wonder about the genetic science behind an easy peeler? They are actually remarkably easy to peel. It can’t be right – the laws of nature say so).

So, I’ve bought a pair of shorts and I’m eating satsumas – next thing you know I’ll be on the beach wearing one of these (I won’t)…