Afternoon off work. Productivity levels = stagnant. Mostly worrying about things I still need to buy for that festival thingy at the end of June (I might’ve mentioned it before?). Things like a watch, some sort of cheap phone, loads’a'booze, disposable cameras, something to sleep on and so on.

There’s other important things to worry about too like how I’m going to get my tummy flat in less than two weeks (whilst continuing to eat crisps and drinking beer during football matches). Or shall I just accept that I am now PLUS ONE (ie. you need to set an extra place at the table for my belly, due to size and appetite)? I have also got to worry about how I’m going to sort out this awful bright-red-sore-eye situation that seems to have evolved (just in time for that festival) and pronto. And, perhaps most importantly, where I am going to hunt down a World Cup Wall Chart (essential piece of kit) on the day before the World Cup starts because it didn’t come in the Sunday paper as I was expecting.

I can’t live without a wall chart. And I can’t live with sore eyes. And I can’t live without mascara (as my eyes seem to wish I would). And I can’t live with this belly. And I can’t live without crisps/chocolate/cheese/beer/chocolate/chips. An almighty bunch of dichotomies = one big ball of worry. And this is without mention of the search for a job, the search for a doctor, the fact that my Glastonbury ticket has been delivered to the wrong address and….did I mention my tummy? I hope this has provided an insight into my ultra-dichotomised head (in other words – I’m a mentalist). If it wasn’t for the fact that I am listening to the Andrews Sisters, a cheeky little vinyl find in Oxfam in Liverpool, I don’t actually know what I would do.