life, photography

last night, i had a dream about you.

In this dream, i’m dancing right beside you.

Did I mention I’m moving in Janaury? Well… I have now. Moving house and city = daunted. Not least because I’ve been in this flat for four years and am not renowned for my receptiveness to change. Tried to start sorting through my stuff this weekend, alongside doing some work from home/eating too much pasta/listening to too much Daft Punk. Hope my neighbours like Digital Love as much as I do. From the little sorting-of-stuff I’ve done, it has quickly become clear that if there’s one non-negotiable, it’s the books and magazines. They’re coming with me however-many-trips-it-takes/come-rain-or-shine. Apologies to whoever is tasked with carrying them to the van (dad/brother). And although I have plucked up the courage to start the ‘sorting’ phase, to think I’ll never see the walls which have housed me for years or the view from my balcony again, makes me slightly breathless. I’m trying not to think about that reality at all. Instead I’m surrounding myself with the people who think the world of me, because, the way I see it, that’s the only way I’m going to land myself safely on the other side.

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life

and the rain falls hard on a humdrum town.

Peculiar, isn’t it, when you know you’ll be able to pinpoint a certain day, moment or decision for the rest of your life? Remember what you were listening to/what you were wearing/what you ate/how you felt. For me, although today passed fairly averagely in most ways, I also know it’s going down in my history, for one small reason or another. Shame I didn’t find an appropriate moment to crack open some fizz, though my wonderful new headphones are making for pretty good company instead. The fizz can wait for another day. Meanwhile, here’s a few recent pictures from my phone. You won’t be surprised to see Kate, some strong German beer, and frankly my favourite magazine cover ever.

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life

it always takes me by surprise how dark it gets this time of year…

…and how apparent it all becomes that you’re not close, not even near.

I write this to you from my bed. Getting myself an early night, aren’t I. Probably to avoid dealing with all the things I actually should be dealing with. Like the ever-building workload that I should be chipping away at whenever I can. Like the biggest to-be-eBayed pile ever seen. Like the fact that I’m feeling homesick approximately 92% of the time. Like the fact that it’s getting cold and the gym is, like, all the way over there. Like the tantrum I had today about M&S discontinuing my favourite bread (I left breadless and in a super-seeded strop, let’s face it). Like the fact that I need, in short, to SORT MY LIFE OUT. All begging-to-be-avoided tripe, clearly. So yes, instead of facing all that, here I am in bed with frankly the finest selection of printed media known to man. Don’t mind me.

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life

because my weakness is none of your business…

I’m finding it really hard to write actual words on this blog these days. My own words, that is – clearly I have no problem relying on words written or spoken by others at a time like this. In fact, they’ve never seemed more relevant. Everything in my mind is so overlapped and all-consuming that I wouldn’t really know where to begin if I was to lay my thoughts out in any sort of order. There is so much going on. I should be excited, but I can’t help but feel daunted by the life-changing nature of what is going on around me. So for now, while I am mostly listening to Nina Simone singing I Shall Be Released and having the occasional weep as I look upon a bewildering future, I hope you’ll forgive me if I lean a little too heavily on the words of others.

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